Stand by Me". Fear has a very ugly side,and the darkness is over whelming at times.
I have recently made a couple of posts about my past.This post is about "Me",My past and present
life in the States and Thailand.I have given much thought over the last couple of days about just "Who has stood by me".
Time as measured in years,is hard to define,at least for me.
My "Posts" about Friends long gone haunt me everyday of my life.
I keep wondering just what might have been,if I had made different life choice's.
My ever present thoughts of the "Wrong Choices" made in my past years have dealt me many crushing blows.
Everybody regrets past failures at some point in their life(if they really care).
As a adult in my"Golden Years",I "Own" all my past,the good and bad.
As children (at least most of us),were taught that friendship was a "Gift from God",and if we were lucky,they(friends) could be counted on one hand.
Whoever told me ,was very correct!
My early life was difficult to say the least.I spent my first 18 years living in foster homes,boarding schools(Google "Briscoe Memorial School,Kent Washington") and with my mother(six years).
I worked two jobs as a high school student,live at the YMCA during my senior year(I was 18 at that time) managed to set school records in track /cross-country and maintain a B+ GPA.
My early years brought me close to three boys my age(Dave E.,Steve H, Steve M.).
If they had not been there for me during 8-12 grades,none of the above would have happened.
My friends "Stood by Me".
As I grew away from them and move on in my adult life,other friends came and went.
This is where my "Wrong Choices" began.
I have no real idea how or why I went "South",but it was on a very fast fright train of self abuse.
Everything I held dear in life(friends,family,self respect) went out the window.
From age 19 to 36(Feb. 09 1986),I was a case of "Self will run riot".
The quantities of drugs,booze,petty crime and loss of self respect was rampant.
My only "Friend" was my "Dog" (Dogs),just could not "Man Up" to what was real,and what was utterly false.
Again,this brings me to "Who stood by Me".
Dave,Kim,Faith,Chuck,Tim,Fred all "Stood by Me",only to be run over by out of control self indulgence on my part.
I was lost.
The resulting reward for my inability to "Stand by my friends" & family during this crucible of drugs & booze was "Standing Alone".
Really,I can't fault any of my friends for giving up on me.
So,what happened to change my life?
I,like many others found the bottom of the gutter.
My friends were long gone by that time(1986).
If any of my readers have been where I have been,then you know just what kind of pile of crap I was living in.
How hard is it to start over?
I can honestly say it was/has been a very long and hard road.
My rewards for learning to live clean & sober
have been many.
Twenty seven years have come and gone since that day(02/09/1986) I began my journey that has brought me here to Thailand.
Life is still a struggle(as it is for all of us),but being married,retired and having a family(both here in Thailand & States) is a just reward.
"Who Stood by me" over these last 27 years?
My Sister first and foremost.
My Family,Jim H,Dan,Rick,Steve,Wayne,Muggs.(Carrie,Jamie,Matt,Andy)
The "Family" "Stood by me",until I could stand on my own again.
"Stand by Me"
Luckkyybuddha999.
